the power?

"i want mama!"

"i want mama!"

"mama, mama, mama! not daddy!"

i should feel good about this, right?  special?  no one loves me more? 

all of that is true....except i'm a working mother who has to be somewhere by 8am. 

it's tough.

two issues here.

1) cashel does not go to sleep by himself.  full disclosure here - we lay down with him until he falls asleep.  it wasn't always this way.  you know who might say i created this situation and i will say otherwise.  getting into bed with cashel in the middle of the night to sleep with him (cuddle because it's AWESOME) is one thing but actually creating a situation where he must fall asleep with one of us is another.  i did NOT create that situation - it created itself.  i won't say anymore for fear of divorce.  like many parents who try to convince their children that all children get rid of pacifiers by age ___ we're starting in on "all little boys and girls starting going to sleep by themselves at 3 years old.  wish us luck.

2) cashel is completely, totally, obsessed with my freckle.  i have a freckle on the right side of my face (a mole really) that i've had forever.  i never paid it any attention until one day cashel discovered it and has, literally, been obsessed ever since.  he rubs it.  he caresses it.  it's the security blanket he never attached to and it's attached to my body. 

when i sleep with cashel (hey!  no judgement!) i sleep to his left which means, when we cuddle (which he LOVES by the way...ok...me too) i am laying on my right side with my face facing him.  he often has his finger on my freckle and says "mommy, you're hurting me" because my face is squishing his hand.  what do i do?  i turn my neck to face the ceiling.  crazy, right?  it's uncomfortable as heck!  i've started saying things like, my freckle needs a break cashel.  no more touching mommy's freckle OR i turn over so that it's more comfortable for me and he can still touch my freckle. 

it's absurd.  i'll admit.  but it really does bring him comfort.  we were at a play date a few weeks ago and i was talking to another mom about this.  later on in the playdate cashel was upset about something, crawled into my lap and started rubbing my freckle and the mom noticed!  "he goes straight for the freckle, huh?"  she says.  yep.

this morning cashel was having a particularly bad morning for some unknown reason.  he was crying...sobbing...having to catch his breath.  jason was explaining to him that i had to get ready for work.  here's a sampling of how this generally goes:

cashel: "waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! i want mama!"

jason:  "cashel, can you calm down and tell me what's wrong?"

cashel:  "waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!"

jason:  "hey bud, what's wrong?  can you use your words?"

cashel:  "i want mama!"

jason: "cashel, mama has to get ready for work."

cashel:  "mama won't let me touch her freckle and i need to."

this is how it goes. 

it HAS become a source of power.

me:  "cashel....if you get in your car seat right NOW i'll let you touch my freckle." 

sad really, but i often feel like the bad cop these days and i'll do what i have to to get things done and have him still love me.  i've heard age 3 to 4 is harder.  our friend greg has reassured us that it doesn't get any easier.

yey.