a little stream of consciousness

i'm going back to work soon. i'm excited. i'm not excited. i'm torn. i am happy that i'll be bringing home a paycheck because although jason never says it, i'm sure he feels a great pressure to be the sole breadwinner in the family. i'm happy to contribute to that. i'm super happy i've had 9 months home with my little one and by the time he's in daycare he'll be two days from being 10 months old. it's a good age for him to be with other babies although i think he'll just use the other babies as props to pull up on and lean on. i can't believe it's been 9 months! it goes way to fast which is why i'm sitting down right after this to work on his baby book. we had his 9 month pediatrician appointment yesterday. this kid is 20 pounds 11 ounces and 29 inches long! i look at him everyday and am amazed at how fast he's grown. i'm amazed at how much jason and i have changed because of him. i truly can't remember life before him anymore and i'm ok with that.