touch

i've become quite addicted to a tv show called "army wives"

it's a show about some women who are army wives.

but it's a show that reminds me what it means to be a family.

it's great in that way.

tonight there was an episode about a mother who has an only son who has chosen to go into the army.

the part that got me was this...

....there was a scene where she touched and held is hand.

while jason and i hold hands a lot it's not the same as me thinking about the physical bond i have with cashel.

he touches me.

he touches me freckle.

he is intimately attached to my freckle.

ever since he was a baby he has been so connected to me.

he used to reach his his hand inside my shirt.

i know it was a very innocent thing for him to do.

in the last year and a half or so we've been having the conversation about it being inappropriate for him to do so.

so...

tonight....

she and her son were talking on either side of a chain linked fence.  at one point she put her hand up on the fence and so did he and they had a moment where words just wouldn't do it in the same way that touch did.

i have a feeling that as cashel gets older him holding my hand will become less important to him...

...but it won't to me.